Afroken
03-28-2005, 09:40 PM
[Chinese Marriage and Wedding]
"A foreigner attending a Chinese wedding seldom realizes the many preparations and expenses it entails. The honor of each family is at stake so that it becomes a contest between the two. The most important is to save face so that the head of the family will not hesitate to spend his entire fortune.
"When a son reaches maturity, his parents look for a girl if possible of his age and social status, with the help of a matchmaker (the first thing he does is to ask the day and hour of the girl's birth). Afterwards they visit a fortune-teller who will investigate the fate of the future couple. If their destinies are compatible, the matchmaker begins the negotiations in behalf of the groom. Nowadays many girls find their fianc廥 without the help of their parents. Despite that, they still need the services of a matchmaker who, after many visits to the two families, helps them to decide the date of the contract.
"From that moment on, the family of the groom begins to spend a lot of money. In rich families the groom almost always brings to the house of the girl, aside from the engagement ring, two dozen pieces of beautiful and expensive material, two bracelets of gold and two sets of jewelry, one of pearls and another of jade or diamonds. These presents are for the bride. Other items like food and sweets of all kinds are for the parents. The richer the family of the groom, the more presents are brought. The sweets represent the tenderness of the union at the same time proclaiming the imminent celebration.
"If the family of the girl is poor, money wrapped in red paper is given: one to buy the many things needed by the bride and the other for the parents as a price for their daughter. From the girl, on the other hand, the groom will only receive perhaps a watch and a piece of material for his suit. The family of the groom has to send to the girl's house the banquet tables so that the girl can invite her parents to the dinner. The ceremonies of that day are quite simple: the groom places the ring on the bride's finger, the bracelets on her arms and the bride does the same with the watch. The matchmaker and the in-laws begin to eat the noodles with eggs that bring good luck to the couple. When the parents of the groom leave the house they turn over to drivers and servants who have helped them bring the presents and food a red package with money. The richer the family, the bigger the tip.
"In the following months the family of the girl is very much occupied preparing and buying the house furnishings and trousseau. Now the father can demonstrate his wealth. The things the parents buy are at times useless. However they produce a good impression on the family of the groom. Among other things, they buy a refrigerator, an electric oven with all the accessories, a piano, a radio, furniture and a sewing machine. In fact, enough things are bought to open a store.
"The presents are given even if the couple will live with the groom's family. The father believes that the more presents he gives, the more prominent it makes him.
"In the meantime, the family of the groom is preparing the banquet salon and other necessary things for the wedding. He undertakes all the expenses: clothes for the bride and her entourage, the church, the feast, etc.
"A few days before the wedding, the bride's parents give a prenuptial party, but the father of the groom pays for it. If the girl is also rich, they will invite as many as 800 guests."
"However, in rich Chinese families, when the eldest child is a girl, some of the ceremonies that correspond to a boy are performed. In general the maternal grandparents have to prepare the things that a boy needs such as diapers, clothes and crib and they order that a servant girl attend to the mother for a month. On the other hand, the paternal grandparents pay all the expenses during and after the birth. The new parents hardly have to do or spend anything.
"When she gives birth the woman gains some kind of importance, especially if she gives her in-laws the first male grandson. The first month the mother-in-law pays her much attention, gives her all kinds of nutritious and expensive food so that her milk will be rich and in consequence the grandchild will be healthy and robust.
"But despite all these attention, the mother experiences much suffering and discomfort. During this period there are many things forbidden her because they will bring bad luck or which she doesn't do because she's scared of her in-laws. She cannot take a bath or shampoo her hair or cry or drink cold water or use an electric fan or expose herself to the wind or leave the house or climb the stairs or eat fruits and vegetables.
"Even today many modern Chinese women follow these customs because their elders have convinced them of the unpleasant time they'll experience if they don't. A premature baby is a symbol of bad luck and there are those who believe that when they visit a house rats will come in too."
"The presents of these guests will demonstrate the wealth and social status of the father of the bride. An interesting aspect of this custom is that each chauffeur or employee who delivers them receives a gratuity, which always has to be an even number.
"After the feast the bride's family packs the presents and send them to the new house or to the house of her in-laws but not without showing them off first to relatives and friends. The gossip about them will give added prestige to the father of the bride.
"There are items that the bride always has to include among her belongings: two lamps for the master's bedroom, a dozen different types of sweets, a mirror covered by a red cloth, a complete tea set and a urinal wrapped in red paper. The last indicates that the couple will have many children. If the bride lacks some of them, her in-laws will feel insulted and will reproach her and her parents for all the bad things that may happen.
"The bride must remember that none of her personal things should be black. If she desires a black bag or a black pair of shoes, for example, she can only wear them after the wedding.
"The problems of the family of the bride are over once her things are brought over to her fianc?s house. The expenses and headaches are now transferred to the future groom's family. The tips of that day are the largest especially for the two younger brothers or cousins of the bride who accompany her things.
"In general, a rich bride needs two or three carts (or conveyances) aside from a car to bring her many gifts and belongings. Then there are more or less 10 or 12 men who bring the things inside the house.
"You can imagine how much the groom's father has to shell out on tips. (In the 1960s, it was 10 to 12 pesos per, and for every two of the younger brothers, it was 48 pesos. The most then was 120 pesos for each of them, or 240 pesos.)
"The tips to the younger brothers were a demonstration of the fortune of the groom's family. The amount of these tips depended in general on how many things the bride has.
"The Chinese wedding these days is almost the same as that of Filipinos. Chinese ceremonies in China are very different from that of the local Chinese. There is much Filipino influence on local Chinese weddings. Even if the two families are not Christian, the wedding, almost always, is in a church (Catholic or Protestant) with all the religious ceremony and the presence of sponsors.
"With regard to the sponsors, it is interesting to know that among the Chinese they receive a great many presents from both families. Many times one of the sponsors is the matchmaker, especially if he is rich and prominent.
"For another week after the wedding, there is much activity in the groom's house. The day after the wedding, the bride has to rise very early and don a red dress. She has to prepare for the 'tea ceremony', one of the important ceremonies in a Chinese wedding. The bride begins her official duties as a daughter-in-law. From that day on she is under orders from her in-laws.
"As a bride, the Chinese woman has an important role and becomes 'queen for a day'. None of this lasts very long. As a daughter-in-law, her position changes immediately, and becomes worse than that of a daughter. Her own parents consider her a stranger, her in-laws treat her like a maid, and her husband thinks of her as the mother of his children, not as a wife. Poor woman! Even the children do not give her the same respect they give their father. Neither do they demonstrate any affection toward her.
[i]Source:[/i] Philippine Daily Inquirer Internet Edition, 15 March 2002, from the column of Bambi Harper titled "Costumbres Chinas".
"A foreigner attending a Chinese wedding seldom realizes the many preparations and expenses it entails. The honor of each family is at stake so that it becomes a contest between the two. The most important is to save face so that the head of the family will not hesitate to spend his entire fortune.
"When a son reaches maturity, his parents look for a girl if possible of his age and social status, with the help of a matchmaker (the first thing he does is to ask the day and hour of the girl's birth). Afterwards they visit a fortune-teller who will investigate the fate of the future couple. If their destinies are compatible, the matchmaker begins the negotiations in behalf of the groom. Nowadays many girls find their fianc廥 without the help of their parents. Despite that, they still need the services of a matchmaker who, after many visits to the two families, helps them to decide the date of the contract.
"From that moment on, the family of the groom begins to spend a lot of money. In rich families the groom almost always brings to the house of the girl, aside from the engagement ring, two dozen pieces of beautiful and expensive material, two bracelets of gold and two sets of jewelry, one of pearls and another of jade or diamonds. These presents are for the bride. Other items like food and sweets of all kinds are for the parents. The richer the family of the groom, the more presents are brought. The sweets represent the tenderness of the union at the same time proclaiming the imminent celebration.
"If the family of the girl is poor, money wrapped in red paper is given: one to buy the many things needed by the bride and the other for the parents as a price for their daughter. From the girl, on the other hand, the groom will only receive perhaps a watch and a piece of material for his suit. The family of the groom has to send to the girl's house the banquet tables so that the girl can invite her parents to the dinner. The ceremonies of that day are quite simple: the groom places the ring on the bride's finger, the bracelets on her arms and the bride does the same with the watch. The matchmaker and the in-laws begin to eat the noodles with eggs that bring good luck to the couple. When the parents of the groom leave the house they turn over to drivers and servants who have helped them bring the presents and food a red package with money. The richer the family, the bigger the tip.
"In the following months the family of the girl is very much occupied preparing and buying the house furnishings and trousseau. Now the father can demonstrate his wealth. The things the parents buy are at times useless. However they produce a good impression on the family of the groom. Among other things, they buy a refrigerator, an electric oven with all the accessories, a piano, a radio, furniture and a sewing machine. In fact, enough things are bought to open a store.
"The presents are given even if the couple will live with the groom's family. The father believes that the more presents he gives, the more prominent it makes him.
"In the meantime, the family of the groom is preparing the banquet salon and other necessary things for the wedding. He undertakes all the expenses: clothes for the bride and her entourage, the church, the feast, etc.
"A few days before the wedding, the bride's parents give a prenuptial party, but the father of the groom pays for it. If the girl is also rich, they will invite as many as 800 guests."
"However, in rich Chinese families, when the eldest child is a girl, some of the ceremonies that correspond to a boy are performed. In general the maternal grandparents have to prepare the things that a boy needs such as diapers, clothes and crib and they order that a servant girl attend to the mother for a month. On the other hand, the paternal grandparents pay all the expenses during and after the birth. The new parents hardly have to do or spend anything.
"When she gives birth the woman gains some kind of importance, especially if she gives her in-laws the first male grandson. The first month the mother-in-law pays her much attention, gives her all kinds of nutritious and expensive food so that her milk will be rich and in consequence the grandchild will be healthy and robust.
"But despite all these attention, the mother experiences much suffering and discomfort. During this period there are many things forbidden her because they will bring bad luck or which she doesn't do because she's scared of her in-laws. She cannot take a bath or shampoo her hair or cry or drink cold water or use an electric fan or expose herself to the wind or leave the house or climb the stairs or eat fruits and vegetables.
"Even today many modern Chinese women follow these customs because their elders have convinced them of the unpleasant time they'll experience if they don't. A premature baby is a symbol of bad luck and there are those who believe that when they visit a house rats will come in too."
"The presents of these guests will demonstrate the wealth and social status of the father of the bride. An interesting aspect of this custom is that each chauffeur or employee who delivers them receives a gratuity, which always has to be an even number.
"After the feast the bride's family packs the presents and send them to the new house or to the house of her in-laws but not without showing them off first to relatives and friends. The gossip about them will give added prestige to the father of the bride.
"There are items that the bride always has to include among her belongings: two lamps for the master's bedroom, a dozen different types of sweets, a mirror covered by a red cloth, a complete tea set and a urinal wrapped in red paper. The last indicates that the couple will have many children. If the bride lacks some of them, her in-laws will feel insulted and will reproach her and her parents for all the bad things that may happen.
"The bride must remember that none of her personal things should be black. If she desires a black bag or a black pair of shoes, for example, she can only wear them after the wedding.
"The problems of the family of the bride are over once her things are brought over to her fianc?s house. The expenses and headaches are now transferred to the future groom's family. The tips of that day are the largest especially for the two younger brothers or cousins of the bride who accompany her things.
"In general, a rich bride needs two or three carts (or conveyances) aside from a car to bring her many gifts and belongings. Then there are more or less 10 or 12 men who bring the things inside the house.
"You can imagine how much the groom's father has to shell out on tips. (In the 1960s, it was 10 to 12 pesos per, and for every two of the younger brothers, it was 48 pesos. The most then was 120 pesos for each of them, or 240 pesos.)
"The tips to the younger brothers were a demonstration of the fortune of the groom's family. The amount of these tips depended in general on how many things the bride has.
"The Chinese wedding these days is almost the same as that of Filipinos. Chinese ceremonies in China are very different from that of the local Chinese. There is much Filipino influence on local Chinese weddings. Even if the two families are not Christian, the wedding, almost always, is in a church (Catholic or Protestant) with all the religious ceremony and the presence of sponsors.
"With regard to the sponsors, it is interesting to know that among the Chinese they receive a great many presents from both families. Many times one of the sponsors is the matchmaker, especially if he is rich and prominent.
"For another week after the wedding, there is much activity in the groom's house. The day after the wedding, the bride has to rise very early and don a red dress. She has to prepare for the 'tea ceremony', one of the important ceremonies in a Chinese wedding. The bride begins her official duties as a daughter-in-law. From that day on she is under orders from her in-laws.
"As a bride, the Chinese woman has an important role and becomes 'queen for a day'. None of this lasts very long. As a daughter-in-law, her position changes immediately, and becomes worse than that of a daughter. Her own parents consider her a stranger, her in-laws treat her like a maid, and her husband thinks of her as the mother of his children, not as a wife. Poor woman! Even the children do not give her the same respect they give their father. Neither do they demonstrate any affection toward her.
[i]Source:[/i] Philippine Daily Inquirer Internet Edition, 15 March 2002, from the column of Bambi Harper titled "Costumbres Chinas".